We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You need Xanax blowdarts
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
