dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
