I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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