My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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