If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
