he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
