sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
