Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
