i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We left the knife in your bed.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
