His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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