Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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