so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
