i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
