Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
