When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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