Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
