I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
