It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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