She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
