did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
