she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
