I'm going to jail i love you
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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