I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize