We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
