drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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