My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
