so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
