The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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