apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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