You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
