I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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