WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
