Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
