my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize