i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
