nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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