So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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