theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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