The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
