don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
