Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
