K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
