Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Too much gin, very little bucket
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
