i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
