I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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