Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
