if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize