I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
