woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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