I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
