Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
