He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
