I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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