oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
