Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
