If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
