Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
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I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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Send help, water and tortillas.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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