Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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