girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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