I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
