Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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