Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
