Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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