Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Come see our sink grown plant.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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