Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i dont even know how to be here
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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