a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize